Happy Holidays!!!

I'm at my desk finishing up my work before the break. I'm officially a workaholic as I'm working Saturday and Sunday at Space NK. However, the glass of champagne on my desk is cheering me up loads!

Have a great holiday and I hope my little elf-a-liscious link below makes you smile!

Floss. xxx


http://www.elfyourself.com/?userid=6c8657b46daea6659fc9128G06122200

Onion Ring Rolling

I've started putting the wheels in motion to get the Onion Ring rolling! Hooray! I'm so looking forward to it! Miss GK is going to move in with me as soon as she gets a job! Clearly I have sent her four or five links to sites with loads of jobs for her already today. I'm so so so looking forward to it! We'll have such a great time and the flat will be clean and she'll help me sell it! Could you ask for more? I think not! I'm planning on having the Onion Ring and her evil stench out of the house for the first week or so of February. It's just too brilliant! Can you tell I'm a little bit excited?

Current life status: up to my elbows in Christmas baking.

Most exciting piece of news: Miss SD has bought me a trip to the hairdresser for Christmas and I'm going there in just under an hour to have my hair coloured! Hooray! I had a little run in with a bottle of strong peroxide a couple of weekends ago and have been feeling a little like Bo-Bo. Not for much longer though! Yippee!

Wardrobe Summary: Black faux snakeskin stacked round toe pumps, sheer black hosiery, black pencil skirt, white horizontally pin tucked shirt, red scarf, much cleavage hiding under red scarf, black strap watch, white gold and gold bangle, massively over sized white and charcoal crystal ring. Mani: dark purple and a little bit longer than yesterday. Pedi: Nars metallic coffee colour. Make Up: Nars Emotional Rescue palette. Hair: about to be overhauled!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Floss. xxx

Nothing To Report

Wardrobe Summary: pink on pink on pink heels, sheer hosiery, grey pleated skirt, white and beige striped shirt, three quarter sleeve pink sweater, red scarf. Hair: Blow dried and straightened. Make Up: Nars Emotional Rescue palette. Mani: dark purple and getting a little longer (read: less stump like). Pedi: Nars metallic coffee colour and super square.

I really don't have much to report. I miss MTP LOADS and was v sad she couldn't come over again last night to drink more yummy champagne before she flew out again. However, Miss GK made me a yummy dinner and we went for a freezing cold walk after and watched a funny movie followed by a brilliant episode of SATC. I failed to bake.

This morning I had a call with a psychic from Australia that was supposed to be brilliant. I was so disappointed. He only spoke to me for fifteen minutes and I felt that he got everything about me wrong. I am ignoring him. I miss my old psychic in Sydney so so so so so much. She is beyond brilliant and she truly heals all the wounds from the pasts so you can keep moving on to be a happier and brilliant person in the future. Bad psychic this morning basically told me to make my own decisions and that all the boring paths were the right ones for me to take. Yawn and moving on.

More news from this morning... RSW is cutting his trip short. The poor thing sounds like he just needs a giant sleep in a lovely bed, a hot bath and a big cuddle. Well, next best thing will have to be my pull out couch and a yummy yummy dinner. I'm still trying to figure out what to make for him that will make him happy. Suggestions happily taken but please be sure to keep them carb free.

Floss. xxx

I had a day off work!

Ooh la la! I actually had a day off work! Oh my! In fact, I've done a few things out of "the ordinary" the last few days. On Friday I went out for a work lunch and ate loads of food - including the top off of a pizza! Yummm. Nothing but cheese! Mmm Mmmmm. Then, after work I had two glasses of champagne! Yummy! I'm afraid I was boring for the rest of the weekend. Saturday I worked and Sunday I slept a lot. I was a v tired little flossie.

Today was great as I saw Miss TP. She looks so terrific. It's also entirely possible that I will get to see her again tomorrow night as the potentially-Mr-TP is flying out to Russia. Moo. MTP and I drank a lovely bottle of champagne at mine this afternoon. I was in desperate need of it after a rather traumatic Dr's visit this morning. Miss GK will be here tomorrow night so the three of us will drink another bottle tomorrow night. Hooray! I don't drink very often anymore so this is so great to re-live old times as Miss TP is my old partner in crime before she had to go back to the states. How could the government callously remove her from the country like that? PS - who was the immigration idiot that decided to detain her for 8 hours of finger printing, etc on Friday? Seriously! The most harm she will do whilst here is make every man fall in love with her and then break their hearts by being unavailable!!! hee hee! Miss TP looks so great but I think she would look even better if she was living back in London. Potential-Mr-TP, please wake up, be a man and realise what you're giving up by having silly English-mid-30's-male issues. You know you'll never really be happy without her. There is no one as fabulous as Miss TP - plus she cooks up a storm and looks like fashion perfection at all times!

Someone please explain to me what a man would be thinking when he gives up the girl of his dreams due to not knowing how to love her enough? Do any of us really know how to love someone else enough? I know I defly don't and just hope for the best. Insight from those in the know would be most appreciated. I should make a big disclaimer here that I have no intention of using said advice seeing as I'm on life long sabbatical from boys anyways... it's just a curiosity thing...

Wardrobe Summary: brown and white long cow fur ugg boots, over sized jeans (purely due to weight loss), brown belt, long sleeved white t-shirt, three quarter sleeve pale pink sweater. Apron and oven mitts: pink with glace cherry topped cup cakes (yes, i've been baking again). Hair: pony tail. Make Up: Cloud eyeshadow, loads of black eyeliner, comet lipstick, nars multiple in Cannes.

Listening to: Iz, somewhere over the rainbow mixed with what a wonderful world. Discovery of cute Hawaiian music is tres fabulous!

Floss. xxx

Black Friday...

I'm not in work on Monday! Excited? Yes! More exciting??? TP is in town! Hooray! And in the evening Miss GK is also in town and visiting me! It doesn't get much better!!! Hold on, in fact, it does! Onion Ring is now OUT OF TOWN FOR THREE WEEKS!!!! OMG! Merry Christmas to me!!!!!!!!!!

Wardrobe Summary: Black knee high suede boots, black opaque tights, black skirt, black Country Road top with worn neckline (my nod to the highly under-valued glamorous element to the grunge movement of the 90's), black strap watch, over sized black crystal ring. Hair: back brushed pony tail with two skinny head bands. Make Up: Nars Emotional Rescue palette.

Disappointing news of the day: I missed the deadline for the International Make Up competition in January. I really wanted to enter. It's the only year I'll be eligible and I would have done so so so well! The topic is right down my alley. Fantasy Beauty creating a Venetian masked beauty entirely with make up and adornments. I so could have nailed it. All is crossed as I've been in touch to see if I can put a late entry in. One can only hope. There is £600 for first place but more than that the exposure would be fantastic.

No eating today for me. I'm still stuffed from yesterday and we have a big lunch this afternoon at 2.30. I'm not sure how I'm going to cope. I'm feeling huge. As of December 25 I'm all about the no eating and the much running again. For a lovely while there I was all ribs and hip bones. Now I'm quite fuzzy around the edges again. I'm not going to get my knickers in a twist about it though. I have bigger fish to George Foreman grill (no frying - it's fattening).

Floss. xxx

There is only one profriter roll left in the office

One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do
Two can be as bad as one, its the loneliest number since the number one
No is the saddest experience you'll ever know
Yes is the saddest experience you'll ever know
cause one is the loneliest number that you'll ever know
one is the loneliest number even worst then two
yeah
its just no good anymore since you went away
now I spend my time just making up rhymes of yesterday
one is the loneliest number
one is the loneliest number
one is the loneliest number
since you went away
since you went away
(one is the loneliest number since you've gone away)
one is the loneliest number
one is the loneliest number
one is the loneliest number
since you've gone away
Its just no good anymore since you went away
now I spend my time just making up rhymes of yesterday
one is the loneliest number
one is the loneliest number
one is the loneliest number
since you went away
since you went away

Pet Dilemma

I think I need to stop eating sugar again. This afternoon I've eaten around 90 Percy Pigs and 25 Profriter Rolls. Yummm. However I'm suffering from shocking lactose intolerance and I'm losing the feeling in my nose and gums with all the sugar coursing through my veins. Am sure my voice is shrill and high pitched. On the upside I do feel similar to a squirrel after too many pistachio nuts (pistachios = cocaine to squirrels). Mmm, squirrels... they're so so so cute! I love the sparkly one I got at Harvey Knichs for under my Christmas tree!

Meanwhile - after trying to make movies to put on YouTube of the singing puppy stockings my Mum sent to the office for Christmas, I am more than ever desperate for a pet. But there is such a dilemma!!! I want a puppy and a kitten. I can't have just one. Then there is the dilemma that my flat is not designed for keeping a cat. There is the issue that dogs smell - no matter how many Diptyque candles you burn. I'm trying to sell the flat and it just wouldn't work with animal life other than Onion Ring in there. Even then we're pushing it!

So, what if I waited till after I sell the flat? I was thinking I would rent a flat next time rather than having my own place. I'm desperately trying to shirk the responsibilities involved in owning a home. Would someone rent a place to me when I have pets? Does that mean I need to commit to buying somewhere again? Should I rescue a pet or should I get the perfect designer pets that will match my outfits? Should I go for the preferred long hair varieties or should I be practical and go for shorter? Shorter would be good seeing as I'm so fussy about floors, furniture, etc being fluff free. How would I make sure said pets didn't scratch, chew, generally mess up my furniture, etc?

But I want a dog to dress up and walk and a kitten to cuddle! I'm lonely and starved for attention!

Floss. x

Wardrobe Summary: Black faux snakeskin stacked pumps, black opaque tights, black skirt, black shirt, silver over sized linked necklace, silver square bangle, diamond rings, black strap watch. Hair: blow dried. Make Up: Nars Emotional Rescue palette.

Things That Are Making Me Happy Today...

Wardrobe Summary: light ash brown suede vintage-esque t-bar heels with gold trim, sheer hosiery, galaxy-esque dress over off white turtle neck. V Warm! Diamond rings, tiffany bracelet, fendi watch. Hair: Blow dried down and getting longer by the day! Make Up: Nars Emotional Rescue palette.

I'm feeling pretty darned pleased today. Hooray! Here is a small list of reasons why...

• Turns out my Christmas baking has a following! People that I baked for last year have been thrilled to be getting more baking this year and are putting in special requests! Hooray!


• I had such a lovely relaxed soup with SD yesterday! It was wonderful. We never get to sit, chill and relax for half an hour. Truly brilliant. So looking forward to doing her make up tonight and tomorrow night! Yay!


• Christmas stockings that are soft, fluffy puppies that wag their ears, shake bells and sing cute tunes when you press a button. Nothing but brilliant.


• I managed to get up this morning before the very last moment and go for a run! I never get up in the mornings! I'm going to try do that again tomorrow as it's fabulous!


• Last night I pulled off making my dinner, cooking my lunch, baking a cake and holding a conversation all at the same time. Talk about multi tasking. Cake was one of my best as well.


• I love love love shoeblogs.com. Some most brilliant entries that I found in archives last night about horrific knitted sweaters, etc. The Manolo is truly a genius!


• Dr Sebagh Deep Exfoliating Mask. It sizzles a layer of skin off and makes me feel so much fresher in the mornings!


• LSHS (Little Sydney Half Sister) says that her skin has totally improved and she is tres happy! Hooray! I'm so pleased for her - and also brilliantly pleased that my advice is superb!


• Feel that my last two articles for the paper I write for were full of amazing advice. One was about getting a gorgeous complexion and the next one is about post holiday season hair conditioning. Obviously the Fekkai Overnight Hair Repair miracle treatment was in there!!!


• The dress I'm wearing today used to involve me not breathing so I could stay in it. Today I've just finished a bowl of pasta (carbo-liscious food of the devil but unbelievably budgetary) and I'm wearing a sweater underneath it. Pretty pleased about that!
• I have Monday off work! Yippee! Long weekend for moi! Terrific! Also means I see the TP from the USA and the GK from the Wales. Beyond happiness.

Floss. xxx

PS: It's not something out of the ordinary today but I feel it deserves a special mention. JB looks very pretty today. x

I can't think of a headline...

Wardrobe Summary: Black faux snakeskin pumps, black dress, pink scarf, pink pearls, white gold and gold bangle, black strap watch, diamond rings. Hair: Pony tail. Make Up: Nars Emotional Rescue palette.

Hooray! I had a Monday night victory! I feel tres empowered. Not only did I manage to watch America's Next Top Model last night, but I got to follow it up with an episode of Sex and the City! OMG! Will wonders never cease? However, it seems that the Ring of Onion is starting to go a little Single White Female. She actually asked me what I thought of a denim purchase she made yesterday and regaled me with stories of all the Ralph Lauren she tried on yesterday at Harrods. This is totally un-Onion-Ring-like. I don't care what she tries on. What is bothering me is that she's taken to having an evening shower five minutes before my regular time. This means that I don't get hot water. Unhappy. She's also taken to blow drying her hair. Again, don't get me wrong, I love that people feel inspired by my grooming obsession to do more of their own grooming. My goal in life is to leave the planet a bit more beautiful than I found it. But when she blow dries it at 11.00 pm, 05.30 and 07.00 it not only worries me regarding the state of her hair's condition, but it disturbs my precious sleep!!!!!!! I'm not getting my hot shower to help me feel snoozy at night but I'm also being woken up in the wee hours by phone conversations and blow drying sessions. I must say she is looking a little better than usual lately. If she would exercise her body and not drink so much, she might actually become vaguely stylish and attractive.

Meanwhile, she's leaving the country for three weeks on Friday! Can you fathom a fraction of how excited I am? The fact that I am spending Christmas and New Years alone doesn't bother me in the slightest due to the fact that I get to have time to myself in my lovely home! I'll be painting over the patches of wall she has attacked, cleaning the carpets, airing her room out, taking hot baths, not be scared of having someone walk into my room unannounced while I'm nude. It's going to be bliss!

Floss. x

The Naked Truth

Onion Ring has gone too far this time. She's messy, she's smelly, she's always drunk, she's unemployed, she's late and short with her rent and I'm still cleaning up after the cracked-open-head-with-five-stitches incident. However, Friday night took things to a new level. For those of you that don't know, I have an ensuite bathroom. Clearly it's a necessity as I spend the majority of my time at home in there. The door to my ensuite is right next to the door to my bedroom. So, back to my horror story. On Friday night I was running a shower before I went to bed. I realised I had left my body oil on my bed so went into my room to get it. As I walked out of the bathroom the Onion Ring came through my bedroom door without knocking! She got a proper eye full of me wearing nothing but my mascara! I clearly want to die. Then, to make matters worse, she got angry at me for being upset abut the whole thing. Onion Ring is truly evil.

I've managed to avoid Onion Ring for the rest of the weekend. I've been up super duper early going for my run and being a generally kimberly-schlegel-style-goddess. I baked up a storm on Saturday afternoon with a Christmas cake, three mini cakes and a batch of snow flake cookies (see above). My preference is to bake whilst singing along to Elton John tunes so it was quite fun. I also enjoy that my apron, oven mitts, measuring cups, baking tools and cookie decorations were all matching in prettiest shades of pink. When I got home from work last night Onion Ring mentioned that it took all her self control not to eat the cookies I had laying out while the icing set. I was quite miffed at this. Would she like it if I went and used the Christmas presents she had bought for people? I think now. However, I channelled KSW (KSW = Kimberly Schlegel Whitman) and produced a large cookie on a pretty pink cake plate and a cup of tea for her while she watched her fave show, Commander In Chief. I feel beyond virtuous and full of Christmas-style spirit. Those that call me grinco-grinchy-grinch over email - ha to you. I am tres brilliant Christmassy-giving-pleasurable-to-be-with person and you just don't know it.

Floss. xxx

PS: Wardrobe Summary: black hipster trousers, white shirt, black tight cardigan, pink panelled shoes, silver childhood charm bracelet, silver star ring, black strap watch, red scarf (due to usual freezingness). Hair: newly blonder blonde with two skinny head bands. Make Up: Nars Emotional Rescue palette.

x

Dirty laundry...

1. I am 100% obsessed with how I look.
2. I like to eat melted cheese out of a bowl with a fork
3. I can bake
4. I can cook
5. I choose to do neither of the above as it involves effort
6. I hate cleaning - bit of a conundrum seeing as I despise anything out of place, etc
7. My flat never looks as beautiful as I would like it to
8. I hate going to the hairdresser
9. Being massaged freaks me out - I'm not in love with being touched
10. I love eating. Sweets, treats, pasta, fried chicken - anything. Obviously I try my best never to eat - it just leads to more eating and that spells trouble.
11. I have to consciously stop myself from biting my nails down to little stumps
12. I hate my freckles
13. I hate any form of body hair
14. My skin peels off and goes red if I kiss boys with stubble - ouch
15. I love watching trashy TV like 8th & Ocean and The Hills
16. I can't decide on a career path. Yesterday SP and I decided I should be a wedding planner.
17. I struggle to drink two litres of water a day
18. I hate musicals or less than spectacular theatre
19. I love teen movies like Bring It On. Hee hee!
20. I used to like my parents to read the encyclopedia to me for bed time stories
21. I don't like going out to parties, clubs, etc. I'm a nana that would prefer to be at home cosied up on the couch for a cuddle and some good reality tv.
22. I love reality tv - but not rubbish reality tv.
23. I hate the beach. There is all that sand and dirty water and I get sun burnt. Ick.
24. I've missed three crucial years of dermatology procedures to keep me looking young. I feel so appalling over this. I'm ageing as we speak.
25. I don't really care about Christmas. I can take it or leave it.
26. I despise drunk people or being drunk. Everyone becomes so obnoxious.
27. I don't like to sit on my couch. I hate that it wrecks the suede and that the cushions go all smushy. I like it when it looks lovely and firm and neat. I just sit on the floor and look at it.
28. I can't bear not to use a placement or a coaster
29. Unless I'm totally OCD about how neat my house is it will become a total tip.
30. My wardrobe order has deteriorated and is no longer colour coded. I'm ashamed.
31. I love Elton John (otherwise known as God), The Carpenters, Will Young, Journey South, Andy from last year's X Factor, Stevie Wonder, Barry Manilow, Lionel Ritchie, Russell Watson, Josh Groben, Neil Diamond, Barry White, opera in general, going to the symphony, anything disco related...
32. I frequently find a song I love and put it on repeat on my iPod - at the moment I'm having a Dave Matthews Band Crash day. I think I might need to switch to my fave Barry White tune over the weekend - My Everything. Cliche City!!!

Most Exciting and Brilliant News

My most gorgeous TP is going to be in town! She's spending a day at my house and I'm going to bake delicious treats for her without sugar or highly processed flours and it will be so fun!!! (dirty secret number 39, i love to bake) Everybody be excited that Miss TP will be back in London!!!!! All are to be pretzel style that she can move back here before too long. Anyone in the Home Office fancy giving me a working permit as a special Christmas present for her? She is tres wasted in USA and London loves her far more.

Dirty Secret # 82: I actually don't like going out. I'm secretly the most anti social person ever. I love the bit where you get dressed up and I love perhaps going to dinner or some such. But going to a club or a bar and having icky boys look at you without you giving them permission and people drinking, being obnoxious, loud, breathing on you, waiting at the bar for a soda water for half an hour. ICK! I'm hating it! Will I survive the Christmas season? It's truly questionable.

Wardobe Summary: FYI - I'm having a fat and old day. Moo. Black faux snakeskin stacked pumps, black opaque tights, black pencil skirt, black Cavalli knit with polka dot sleeves. Silver Fendi watch, silver Texan bracelet, diamond rings, diamond and pearl pendant. Hair: Blow dried. Mediocre hair day today. Make Up: Nars Emotional Rescue palette.

Floss. xxx

Advice for the broken dermis...

Little Sydney Half Sister,

I heard you're having issues with your epidermis. Moo. I feel your pain.

Here are all my tips for you...

• Go to http://www.chrisbar.com/ and purchase Mt Capra Goat Whey Powder. It will alkalize your body and it's beyond brilliant for your skin.
• Drink hot water with slices of lemons in it by the bowl
• What skin regime are you following? You're only young so you need to stick to a good cleanse, tone, moisturise regime every morning and night. The girls at Mecca Cosmetica will take care of you. The one at Chatswood Chase or at Elizabeth St David Jones is the best. Perhaps spend some time on the Darphin Intral line for a little while? Be careful though, once your skin normalises again you will need to go off this. Or try Dr Brandt Poreless line. I love the mask!
• Scarring - try Strivectin. Just get the tube of eye cream as it's the same as the big, expensive tube just without the peppermint oil. Massage it into the affected area three times a day and your scars will clear up beautifully. NOTE: this isn't for thick, bubbly type scars. It's only for discolourations. If you have pigmentation anywhere else on your skin this will work wonders without making you photosensitive.
• Be sure to eradicate acidity from your diet for a while. This will just inflame the break out.
• NO EXFOLIATING!!!!! I can't stress that enough. It just spreads the bacteria and makes the break out hurt more. Gentle massage, splashing your face, patting in your lotions. Be kind to your skin and it will calm down in a few days. If you really need to exfoliate then use Dr Sebagh's deep exfoliating mask for four minutes. It will sizzle off a layer of skin leaving you fresh and dewy. Do this at night and sleep in a nourishing moisturising mask. You'll glow like a 6 year old the next morning. I do mine on Tuesday nights.

I think that's it for now little one. Let me know if there was anything else you need to know.

Floss. xx

PS: Wardrobe Summary: Pink on pink on pink heels, black hipster trousers, white wrap shirt, chopard style double ring diamante necklace, fendi watch, texan silver bracelet (in honour of my new inspirational hero: Kimberley Schlegel Whitman), diamond rings. Hair: Beyond gorgeous! Overnight hair repair plus Shea Butter Fekkai Mask this morning and my usual 20 minute blow dry = amazing hair day. Make up: Nars Emotional Rescue palette. Mani/Pedi: Short and dark purple. The longer those nails get, the lighter the polish colour will get!

x

I can't go to sleep without...

Wardrobe Summary: Black suede peep toe sling backs, black opaque tights, black and white tweed skirt, long sleeved v neck black top, red scarf, silver star ring, silver square bangle, white gold and diamond R pendant. Hair: 20 minutes of blow drying down the drain after it was rained on. Make Up: Nars Emotional Rescue palette. Mani/Pedi: Short with dark purple colour.

This is a list of all the things I need to do before I can even contemplate a decent sleep each night. It is in no particular order, but I do have an order I do them in at night... OCD anyone?

• Clean the kitchen


• Wash my hands


• Go for a run or a walk


• Do my floor exercises


• Wash my hands


• Listen to some music - Bloc Party has been replaced with saddo Magic FM.


• Tidy my room some more


• Re-stock my make up kit


• Wash my hands


• Shower


• Body lotion


• Cleanser


• Toner


• Lifting Serum


• Eye Cream


• Face Cream


• Neck Cream


• Wash my hands


• Brush my teeth


• Floss


• Wash my hands


• Lip balm


• Hand cream


• Choose pyjamas and matching socks


• Light my sleepy candle


• Take some nytol/valium/anything to help me get some rest


• Write in my journal


• Read some of my book


• Charge my phone


• Charge my ipod


• Charge my camera


• Try to plan a little for the next morning's outfit


• Blow out my sleepy candle and hope for the best.

Floss xxx

Monday Blues

Wardrobe Summary: Black stacked faux snakeskin pumps, black pencil skirt, washed out maroon silk shirt, red scarf (i'm cold as usual), tanzanite necklace, over sized black crystal ring, gold and white gold bangle. Mani/Pedi: dark purple, short. Make Up: Nars Emotional Rescue palette. Hair: Down, blow dried and feeling fabulous after another over night treatment. It's defly looking longer as well! Yippee!

I have the Monday blues. A window washer pulled faces at SP and I when we were on our way to Starbucks for our morning caffeine hit. I need to find out what company he works for so I can make a formal complaint about him. What a rude little man.

I worked at Space NK on Saturday. The new store is lovely. In the evening I caught up with Madam Wong and we saw Happy Feet. I LOVED it! It was so so so so so brilliant. Then we went to Wagamama for quickie ramen. Yum.

I don't know what came over me yesterday. I caved and put up the Christmas tree. I am still feeling uber-bah-humbug but I know how much Onion Ring wanted a tree and I felt compelled to do something nice for her. I am clearly coming down with some kind of illness. I have no idea what possesed me to commit to such a random act of kindness towards one that wakes me in the wee hours of the morning with the clanging of vino bottles in her room at night. Perhaps it's my old friend, sleep deprivation???

Question: will I go to the Space NK Christmas party tonight? I can't decide.

Floss. xxx

Exceedingly Good Hair Day

Wardrobe Summary: black faux snakeskin round toe stacked pumps, opaque black tights, charcoal high waisted pencil skirt, black round neck long sleeved top, red scarf, huge peach crystal oval ring, fendi glasses. Make Up: Nars Emotional Rescue palette. Hair: down, excessively fabulous and blow dried.

I've fallen in love with a massively excessive hair product. I got a deluxe sample sized bottle of it last night and I'm having the best hair day I've had in forever. Problem: It's £135 for a bottle of the stuff. But my hair is so silky soft and fabulous today! Now I've been frazzling it with all these peroxides and colours it's in need of some TLC. I've been using all Frederic Fekkai products on my hair for months now - with a llittle Phyto thrown in for a daily moisturiser. My poor hair has still been a little frazzled. But this morning it's extra soft and extra glossy (finally the gloss shampoo, conditioner and daily spray are kicking in!) and extra bouncy and extra fabulous. I neeeeeddddd this £135 bottle of nightly treatment! Unfortunately my little eyes are tired and sore so I'm wearing glasses which means I have my gorgeous Charlie's Angels style flick happening over the arm of my glasses, but I don't care. I'm LOVING my hair so much today!

I'm also v excited as MW and I are seeing Happy Feet when I finish work tomorrow night. I'm so so so looking forward to it. I want to cry every time I see that darling little penguin do his little dance. I love him ever so much. I want to cuddle him so tight! In fact, I'd take a cuddle from pretty much anything right now. My limbs are feeling v surplus with such a sharp and rapid decline in embraces. Will buy myself a Happy Feet penguin toy for me to cuddle at home I think! Oooohhhh. That would be lovely!

Mmmmmm - but back to my hair and how lovely it looks today. I wish you could see it! I'm ever so happy with it and it's growing longer and longer by the day.

Must go and keep admiring my lovely head of hair now.

Floss. xxx

Onion Ring for Sale

Onion Ring must go. I'm advertising for new flat mates today. Again she was banging on my door for 20 minutes at 11.30 last night. She was totally off her trolley and had tripped going outside for one of her contraband balcony cigarettes. She banged her head on the handle and she was covered in blood. Great. I just snapped that she needed to clean herself up and go to the emergency room and left her to it. I'm mean and cold but I can't be dealing with her. She got back in at 2.00 in the morning. I haven't spoken to her. All I know is that there are black spots all over my carpet, blood splattered across my freshly cleaned windows, on my white flowers and urn. There is a big pool of blood that has stained the paintwork on the doorstep to the balcony that I'll clearly need to sand and re-paint on my one day off this weekend. I'm tired of the Onion Ring and her issues. I accidentally bumped into her in the lift as I got home at 10.30 last night. She stood in the foyer of our building crying like a a slobbery, snotty freak show because she didn't get another job she went for yesterday. People saw me with her. I'm so embarrassed.

Anyone looking for a freakish flatmate? Anyone looking for a lovely flat to live in? I promise all remnants of the OR will be eradicated before you move in.

Floss. x

Thursday Morning.

There was a girl

A lonely girl

Who lost her love

Through her indifference

A heart that cared

That went unshared

Until it died

Within her silence

and solitaires the only game in town

And every road that takes her

Takes her down

And by herself its easy to pretend

She'll never love again

and keeping to herself

She plays the game

Without his love

It always ends the same

While life goes on around her everywhere

She's playing solitaire

A little hope

Goes up in smoke

Just how it goes

Goes without saying

There was a girl

A lonely girl

Who would command

The hand she's playing

I'll Say...

I'll say goodbye to love
No one ever cared if I should live or die
Time and time again the chance for love
has passed me by
And all I know of love
is how to live without it
I just can't seem to find it.
So I've made my mind up I must live
my life alone
And though it's not the easy way
I guess I've always known
I'd say goodbye to love.
There are no tomorrows for this heart of mine
Surely time will lose these bitter memories
And I'll find that there is someone to believe in
And to live for something I could live for.
All the years of useless search
Have finally reached an end
Loneliness and empty days will be my
only friend
From this day love is forgotten
I'll go on as best I can.
What lies in the future
is a mystery to us all
No one can predict the wheel of fortune
as it falls
There may come a time when I will see that
I've been wrong
But for now this is my song.
And it's goodbye to love
I'll say goodbye to love.

Turns Out That There Was a Little Left...

Wardrobe Summary: Pink on pink on pink square toe heels, brown pencil skirt, white and brown striped shirt, brown round neck sweater, sapphire ring, pony tail, fendi glasses. Make up: it used to be made up in Nars Emotional Rescue palette. Now it's just all gone a gorgeous (read scary horror film style) blotchy red on my face and down my neck. I'm officially not bothered with how it looks anymore.

There is no point. What is the point? Exactly what function am I serving on this planet? I get up each morning and go to work in a job that anyone could do standing on their heads. I try to look pretty but no one really notices. I don't make a particular difference to anyone's life or to the planet as a whole. I have no discernible talent that differentiates me from the masses or makes a difference to anyone or any entity. Could someone please explain how this is useful and not a waste of scarce resources in this rapidly melting planet?

SoH just decided to let me know that I don't actually know him seeing as we didn't spend much time together. Does it matter how long you've known someone when it comes to how they impact your life? He also needed to bring up "how it all worked out". I really don't want to talk about that ever again. Hence the red blotches in place of my lovely foundation. I thought he had taken out the last of my insides with his rusty spoon. Who knew he took his stupid spoon to South America with him? Who knew he sneakily left some of my insides so he could go back for an extra dig when he was feeling bored? I am taking back the SoH title and he will now be known as RSW. RSW = Rusty Spoon Wielder.

Just finished cancelling all the social engagements that I can possibly get out of. I'm clearly not fit for public consumption. Nor do I at all fancy being around people. Most people are just icky anyway. Luckily I'm on my own again this Christmas and New Year. If I had to be around people I think I would projectile vomit on all around me a la inappropriate lady on Little Britain.

More than ever I want to sell my flat, sell all my worldly possessions and go live in silence as a Tibetan nun or some such. At least then I'll not need to talk to people, have people talk to me, mess me about, etc. I can just wear that red dress thingie and put up prayer flags all day whilst playing with llama.

Could someone please point me in the definitive direction of my life path? Surely there is more to it than this??? If not, I'm so disappointed. I thought it was going to be a lot more interesting.

Floss. x

PS: I didn't have any tissues to hand this afternoon. I have depleted my starbucks serviette supply as stand-in tissues whilst pathetically crying at desk all afternoon. Nose is now devoid of skin, bright red and oh so painful! ouch. Must remember to get ultra soft tissues. If I shave my head and move to Tibet I'm sure I'll not need to cry though. I have photos of me as a bald person from part of my make up work. I actually look very thin as a baldie. Not all bad I guess.

PPS: My life is officially the most pathetic I know of. It's almost 8pm and I'm sitting at my desk listening to saddo Magic FM (which hasn't played any Journey South yet), teary eyed, doing my freelance accounting and a contract that I just had approved from the New York office. No, I don't have family or friends to go to. I don't want to go home to the Onion Ring. So, I take refuge at my desk. I have defly hit an all time low. This is bad, even for me...

Muschka

I miss my mushie so much. I haven't seen him in two and a half years and I'm dying to give him one of my special cuddles where he drools from being so happy! x

Speed Ageing.

Wardrobe Summary: Pink on pink on pink square toe heels, black and white tweed skirt, pink shirt, fendi glasses, tiffany necklace, star ring, gold and white gold bangle. Hair: blow dried, down and slightly rained on. Make Up: Stila cloud and espresso shadow with the usual black eyeliner, orgasm cheeks, comet lips.

I have a new obsession. Be gone with the ipod. I can never get it to charge properly anyways. I'm loving listening to saddo divorcee music on Magic FM through my phone. Last night I was belting out my fave Carpenters tunes, some Elton John, etc. It was great. It also drowned out most of the noise of the Onion Ring wailing on the phone to her Mum. Seriously - I've never heard anyone that cries so much and so loudly. She told me to give her our post box key last night. She also closes the living room door to me now. I truly feel like she has usurped all leadership of my flat. I need to find a way to take back control.

This morning I was so looking forward to plugging the radio back into my phone and I got another Carpenters tune! I was so excited. I have truly turned into a 40 year old. I guess it had to happen some time. Now I've vowed myself to a life of single-ness I guess this is as good a time as any.

Floss. x

The Show Must Go On...

The show is over, I'm a shattered and exhausted little girl. I was there for just over ten hours on Saturday so I tried to balance it out by pretending to be a vegetable all day yesterday. I lay like broccoli only to move from my bed to the couch. I got up a couple of times to make myself a cup of tea and that was the extent of my movement. I could so use today to go for a gentle run and do more of the same with some cleaning thrown in. Onion Ring was a good girl last week and I believe she has vacuumed and managed to not have the kitchen look like it's going to walk away. Perhaps my absence highlighted how little she actually does? Perhaps left to her own devices she's vaguely clean? Judging by the smell emanating from her bedroom each time she opens the door I'm being hugely optimistic here.
Back to the real world today. Back to being a functioning person that can't shake off irritating responsibilities due t working a thousand hours a day. Drats. I have a quasi-date on Friday night with the Swedish polo player. I sooooooo don't want to go! I'm really trying to think of different ways I can get out of it! Next week is fully booked with Christmas functions so I have to put some energy into pretending to have holiday spirit and strongly resist the urge to say Bah Humbug to all who come near me. I'm also fairly unaware of what mistletoe looks like. I'd like to avoid standing near any of that stuff in the same way I'd like to avoid exposing myself to airborne eboli.
Wardrobe Summary: Oh dear. Black and tan stacked round toe pumps, black opaque tights, black pencil skirt, white shirt, tight brown sweater, pink scarf (I'm freezing), black dior diamante glasses (hence the oh dear). Hair, pony tail with two skinny black bands. Make Up: Nars Emotional Rescue Palette.
Floss. x

Ranting...

How does one conduct a rant? I'm mad and I really want to rant! The people I want to rant at are the ones I can't! Except of course, for the accounts department on level 5. They will be seeing me stomp my towering inferno heels whilst wearing my galaxy-esque dress after informing me that all my submitted work "went missing in transit". Argh! Meanwhile, my much needed ranting... I desperately want to rant at the Onion Ring. She's so unreasonable and lazy and messy and disgusting and smelly and gross. However, any gentle suggestions on these matters are not understood. Any firmer guidance is met with shouting, yelling, scary faces, telling me what to do, telling me to go to my room and informing me that I am in need of mental help. I can't do confrontation so obviously this isn't a situation I'm going to repeat.

The other person I would like to rant at is only available on email. Ranting on email is never a good thing. It's never taken in the tone it's meant to be taken in and can only result in no good. Besides, the rant I want to go on is only from a situation of my own making. I've discovered that I'm a Doormat. It's tempting to change my name from Floss to Doormat. Why do I undertake ridiculously generous tasks for people that really don't care? That really don't appreciate the efforts I go to? It's like I'm a beaten puppy dog that keeps going back to it's owner for approval and love only to get another whack with a large and heavy stick. I want to go mad at the people on the other end of this stick but I really should just be going mad at myself.

So it's no more Miss Nice-Floss. From here on in it's Miss Hard-Ass-Floss. No more massive gestures of kindness, no more putting myself on the line for the needs of others. In fact, no more generosity at all! However, I'm a compulsive Doormat. Hence some drastic actions need to be taken. I have decided that I need to take myself out of the line of fire in order to assure the lack of generosity continues. I have decided to buy much vintage chanel couture on Ebay in black and wear this at all times. (The only uniform a proper Hard-Ass-Floss would ever consider) I am going to live all alone with Pixie and Pucci and be happy ever after. It's the new alternative ending to my fairy tale life plan that has obviously gone on a massive crash and burn. No one to disappoint, no one to disappoint me. Just the Pixie, the Pucci, my shoes and me. Bliss...
Floss. x

Do You Think A Landlord Would Let Me?

I would like this white lion as a my imminent Pixie. I think it's beyond cute. It's so fat and it's fur looks so thick and his little ears are too cute and I just want to cuddle him soooooooooo much! Do you think a landlord would let me keep him in a one bedroom flat? He'd be so much fun to take for walks! x

My new Pucci

I have a new solution to my Pucci problem! I have discovered one in the props for the show that I'm in love with! Hooray! I think she's so cute!

I may be warming up to the whole musical thing. I'm not sure I can sit through one yet but being out the back with all the props and costumes to play with is fun! Like a big dress up box! I have my eye on the pucci, the tiara, a head dress with loads of feathers a la showgirl and a big silver space style gown. I love the gown. I wear it a lot and hate taking it off so they can put it on to wear on stage! ha!

It was so lovely when I left last night. DWS mentioned how great it is to have me around on the show. He said I'm not just a great artist but a lovely and supportive person to have around! That was such a lovely thing for him to say! Warm fuzzies for me!

I am beyond sleep deprived again. Onion Ring keeps me awake all night with her drunkenly nocturnal stumblings and loud crying sessions. My mental and physical health are suffering at her hands. In fact, today I can feel a horrible little twitch in my cheek. It's in one of the spots my acupuncturist used to stick a needle to help lower my stress levels. This isn't a good sign. In fact, I'm in the middle of a semi-text war with Onion Ring as we speak. I want her to go back to paying her rent twice monthly as originally agreed. She's so selfish and needs everything her own way without a care for anyone else. I can't take much more of the Onion Ring. She's got me shaking and tearful due to lack of sleep, etc.

CT arrives from New York today! I'm so looking forward to seeing her! Hooray! Am sure she will make me forget all my troubles. She's such a wonderful and happy thing!

Wardrobe Summary: Black suede knee high boots, black and white plaid pleated skirt, black turtle neck, skinny black headband. Pony tail. Make Up: Nars Emotional Rescue palette. (not much emotional rescue happening just yet).

Please all keep your fingers crossed I manage to sell my flat v soon! I can't take living with the Onion Ring for much longer without needing to check myself into the Priory or some such due to another nervous breakdown.

Floss. xxx

A summary of events and more thoughts on the rusty spoon situation

• I'm back to my Pre-SoH way of life. My time with the SoH is a distant memory. Pre-SoH I was "happy" enough but it has to be said that Life-of-Floss was a bit of a flat line. Very empty and half my time was taken up with finding ways to keep myself busy and "fulfilled".
• The entrance of the SoH made everything a lot more enriched. A lot more like there was a reason for being the Floss. Life was happy proper. All commented on how I was like a different person and so smiley and relaxed.
• Day 1 of Rusty-Spoon-Gate I couldn't even hold a conversation. I just cried, ran and went on hugely long walks.
• Day 2 of Rusty-Spoon-Gate I went for a run, got dressed up with my hair and make up perfect and spent the afternoon with GK in the show flat she was selling.
• Days 3 through 5 of Rusty-Spoon-Gate I sat at my desk and cried as quietly as I could. Please note that waterproof make up was applied and I kept my grooming up throughout. At no time during this fiasco have the standards of appearance slipped except for day 1. However, it should be taken into consideration that it all took place while I was half way through blow drying my hair and getting ready to meet friends in Chelsea. Clearly I didn't make it.
• For the next week I thought I was fine and ever so pleased with myself for organising a few dates with people that had been in touch during my time with the SoH that I had blown off. Turns out I'm really not up for dating (please see One Month Since entry).
• I realised this morning on the way to work that I'm back to a flat-line situation. There are worse ways to be. I get a huge sense of satisfaction doing fun things and exploring London on my own.
• When I speak to SoH on email these days I actually forget who it is! He's like an internet buddy or one of the friends that live in the USA or Australia that I communicate with solely on email. I forget that he's the one that took the flat line away and then re-instated it again.
• Seeing as the flat line has been in place since 1997 I think it's more within my ultimate comfort zone and I'm embracing it as a lifestyle from here on in. I'm not doing so badly for someone without a pulse. If nothing else, I'm well groomed!
• Two days in a row I have eaten for Britain. Without the opportunity to go for a run I officially feel like a blimp. I really need to stop eating again immediately!!!!

Only the most brilliant are left handed...

Did you know that the following brilliant and gorgeous people are left handed? Only the most fabulous of us are left handed. I feel we need more recognition...

• Leonardo da Vinci


• Greta Garbo


• Brad Pitt


• Dick van Dyke


• Marilyn Monroe


• Julius Caesar


• Bart Simpson


• Floss

I'm Going To Totally Crash And Burn By The End Of This Week

I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...I'm so sleep deprived...

One Month Post Insides Removal With Rusty Spoon...

Ooohhh - I just realised that it's a month today since I had my insides taken out with that painfully rusty spoon.

That's so long ago! It feels like an age since then. It seems kind of like it happened to a totally different person.

Reflections on life post insides removal with a rusty spoon...

• My mind has erased from it's archives what it's like to cuddle, engage in affectionate behaviour, etc. That's probly for the best I suspect.



• I have lost loads of weight. Yay! I need to engage in some serious wardrobe replenishment!



• Due to subsequent nail biting habit that resulted in stumps I am now a wearer of faux nails. I have always had a hatred for icky faux nails. I now embrace the faux nail. It's so low maintenance! I don't have to worry about painting them (pre-painted in french tip), I don't need to worry about conditioning them as they're tres tough, they don't break and I keep glue on me at all times in case one falls off! Hooray!



• I have picked up loads more shifts for my extra work and my bank balance is looking a little healthier. Keeping busy and making money. Can't complain about that.



• I started running in an effort to get my mind off my troubles. Now I hate not getting my run in. That has to be a good habit for my body!



• I'm blonde again. I don't know if it's a result of the insides removal but it's within a month of the event so I'll include it. I've had nothing but good responses. Everyone says my eyes really stand out and look extra green with the new strawberry tones. Can't be a bad thing.



• The KPP turned to dust at the bottom of the canyon it was destined to be flung into. As discussed in earlier blog entry, I'm happier for it. I'm far more evolved than I gave myself credit for as a KPP.
• After sincere reflection and listening to The Whitlams cover the brilliant Mr Bacharach's insightful poetry (see below) I'm thinking maybe the whole palava is entirely over rated. Seeing my life end as lonely spinster and decomposing rapidly due to Onion Ring's phobia of turning off the heaters seems like a walk in a squirrel infested park in comparison to the dilemmas associated with the alternative.

What do you get when you fall in love?
A guy with a pin to burst your bubble
That's what you get for all your trouble.
I'll never fall in love again.
I'll never fall in love again.
What do you get when you kiss a guy?
You get enough germs to catch pneumonia.
After you do, he'll never phone you.
I'll never fall in love again.
I'll never fall in love again.
Don't tell me what is all about,
'Cause I've been there and I'm glad I'm out,
Out of those chains, those chains that bind you
That is why I'm here to remind you
What do you get when you fall in love?
You get enough tears to fill an ocean
That's what you get for your devotion.
I'll never fall in love again.
I'll never fall in love again.
What do you get when you fall in love?
You only get lies and pain and sorrow.
So, for at least until tomorrow,
I'll never fall in love again!
I'll never fall in love again!
Don't tell me what it's all about
`Cause I've been there and I'm glad I'm out
Out of those chains, those chains that bind you
That is why I'm here to remind you. (here to mind you) 3x
What do you get when you fall in love?
You only get lies and pain and sorrow
So, for at least, until tomorrow
I'll never fall in love again
Oh, I'll never fall in love again

Mini Moo

"Moon River, wider than a mile, I'm crossing you in style some day. Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker, wherever you're going I'm going your way. Two drifters off to see the world. There's such a lot of world to see. We're after the same rainbow's end-- waiting 'round the bend, my huckleberry friend, Moon River and me."

I feel a little moo-ish today. I can't decide what my mood is. I feel a little disjointed. Could just be from the lack of sleep. Could be that I've officially forgotten what a cuddle is. Please someone email me a definition, description or some such?

I started on the stage show last night. It was dress rehearsal. Lucky! I was so lost and got there 40 minutes late and didn't even have time to properly do the two leads. Bad me. I will do better tonight. It was so nice to see everyone again. It's like my extended family that I see once or twice a year! Mr DWS is the only man I know that would wear a YSL jacket and gucci trousers in an off, off west end production of Anything Goes! ha ha ha! He is too brilliant.

Floss x

Oh yeah - Wardrobe Summary: less than thrilling today due to sleep deprivation. Black faux snakeskin round toe stacked pumps, black opaque tights, grey skirt with pleats around the bottom, white shirt, black sweater. Hair: Skinny black alice band and pony tail. Make Up: Nars Emotional Rescue palette.

This blog is supposed to be all about me. Between the required wardrobe summary and the noted mentions it's totally losing the self-centred theme I strive to uphold! However, SoH, in order to avoid another of those unbearable emails that riddle me with guilt, I hereby mention you. I hope you have a great and safe flight to Quito. According the special clock I found on Google, it is now 09.30 there and the day is due to be 16 degrees and partly cloudy.

x

Gentlemen Prefer Strawberry Blondes...

Wardrobe Summary: Pink panelled heels, sheer hosiery, black and white tweed skirt, white french cuff tuxedo shirt, tight black cardigan, skinny black hair bands, tiffany bracelet, black strap watch. Make Up: Nars Emotional Rescue palette. Hair: New shade of strawberry blonde - tres fruity.

I was waiting for AB to arrive on Friday night and decided I was going to go blonde over the weekend. Poor AB was due to arrive at 9.30 and she didn't end up at mine till almost midnight due to evil traffic on evil motorway somewhere between Milton Keynes and London Victoria. It was soooooo great to see her though. We did talk for hours and hours and then we got up nice and early in the morning so we could talk even more! I miss AB! I wish she could move to London!

AB agrees that Onion Ring is a strange little troll-like creature. AB never says anything mean about anyone so it's clearly true. Onion Ring kept me awake all Saturday night with her drunkenly shrill voice on calls in her bedroom and bouncing my wine glasses off the walls and carpet in the wee hours of the morning. Clearly I slept in and missed my morning run in an effort to recapture some sleeping moments before work. Now I feel like a blimp. It's so great having someone to blame for all my problems! ha ha ha!

Am v pleased with my efforts at work yesterday. I had a lovely but nervous bride first thing when i was there and she was so pleased with what I did for her. Later in the day I had most difficult lady wanting a new look but didn't want to tell me what she usually wears, etc. The usual "let's test the make up artist" story. Half way through she didn't like what I was doing but decided to crack on. By the end she was totally loving it and bought everything! Hooray! Snaps for me!

Meanwhile, I am now a strawberry blonde again. I had intended to go properly blonde but I think this is a good compromise for the time being. I will think about going bombshell blonde in a few weeks. I definitely feel a little more like the old, flirty me with the new hair. I keep forgetting about it though and I get a little shock when I look in the mirror! Whoops!

Sweet SoH, please spend less time reading blogs and more time enjoying most brilliant holiday! I have noted lack of postcards. Do they not have mail in SA? Puppy beyond adorable, however how can you say it's "the most amazing thing I have ever met". Surely you're reserving that title for me??? Am hoping inclusion of picture and personalised message are making you feel better re: lack of mentions in most brilliant Blog.

Floss. xxx

These are a few of my favourite things...

Here is a list of things I miss having/doing/being/sharing, etc, etc. And some of the things that I don't...

• Surprisingly I'm kinda happy the KPP got flung into the canyon and turned to dust. I don't think I want to be a KPP anymore. It feels quite childish and I think they're creatures that are low on the evolutionary scale of life. I'd like to think I've moved beyond this.
• Cuddles. However, I think I found inspiration on how to achieve these last night at the charity event. Impending photo (as soon as I manage to get my laptop online again) will explain everything. This man should be awarded some sort of Nobel prize for brilliance. Please come back to this space over the weekend when I can show you the picture!
• I do miss having friends that think I'm a sane, normal person when i try to cuddle a squirrel, steal a cute puppy, pre-name a yet-to-be-acquired pet, look for a good place to get my botox, cry when my hair gets massacred, think out loud about the day I will be truly pretty.
• Sunlight. This morning it was lovely. The sun looked so pretty coming up over the river from home and then it was flashing through the Reuters fence posts at me on my walk to work. Very cute. I wish it was a more frequent occurrence.
• Being a teensy tiny size 6 without even really trying.
• Being smarter. I feel that I'm getting less intelligent the older I get.
• Being able to speak my schoolgirl French. I wish I had paid more attention in class. Je suis desolat.
• Playing the violin. I feel I am never going to be dedicated enough to ever take it up again. I wish I wasn't so lazy.
• I miss being debt free. Ooh la la. I know it's a fact of life these days that we all have debt, but it really does keep me from any chance of having a good night's sleep.
• The confidence I had when I was 4 years old and I put on my dress-up bridal outfit to map out my life plan. I was so going to be a famous writer and artist, married by 25 and making cookies for my tribe of non-drug-addicted, immaculately dressed children. Ahhh, bless childhood naivete.
• Being pretty. Now I'm quite average. One person in my life has told me I'm beautiful. I liked that. Everyone else says I'm "cute". I hate being cute. I'm a grown woman. The curse of chubby cheeks. I'll be 48 and people will call me cute even if I manage to be entirely attired in couture Chanel. It's just not what I'm trying to achieve here.
• Knowing what I'm trying to achieve in this life.
• Travel. Will I ever make it to Vietnam and Cambodia? Unlikely. I'll die in Canary Wharf. I just know it. Lord that's depressing.
• Being properly groomed. I miss facials and manicures and pedicures and hair cuts.
• Holding hands and walking.
• Not feeling the pressure to natter like a small animal that resides in the woods. I like it when it's so comfy to be with another person that you can not say anything at all. It's perfection.
• Knowing that when you're having a bad day there is someone that can make it all not exist while you spend time with them. It's like getting a massage at a spa - but better.
• Not living with Onion Ring. My fave housemates have been AB and CJ. They're beyond brilliant. I can't wait to see AB tonight!!!
• Having anyone bother to notice when I make an effort to look good. It's not like I can roll out of bed and look like this. Extensive up-keep, maintenance, thought and planning goes into this. When anyone notices, it makes it sooooooo worth it!
• Seeing the people I care about on a regular basis. I can go for weeks without seeing friends. It's just lucky I've become good friends with the people I work with - otherwise I could be lying dead in my flat decomposing rapidly (seeing as Onion Ring has a phobia of turning off the heater) and no one would notice.

Don't forget to watch this space for the photo trapped in my camera! I'm endeavouring to make this a new career change!

Floss xxx

PS: I know I'll get in trouble if I don't do this now... gosh, the pressure. Wardrobe summary: Black and tan towering inferno stacked pumps, sheer hosiery, grey and blue plaid pencil skirt, grey demi-wing-sleeved sweater. Hair: pulled back into a pony tail with two skinny black head bands at different angles to each other. Make-up: Nars Emotional Rescue palette.