Processed Foods That Multi Task

Things you can do with chicken dippers:

• eat them (obvious!)
• throw them on the ground for dramatic emphasis during an argument
• hold onto something nearby whilst skating on dippers to create even more emphasis
• dippers can be recycled after being skated on to serve revenge and justice
• recycled dippers can be mixed with unmentionable additives if harsh revenge and justice are required
• recycled dippers can be smooshed into someones face
• cold dippers can be put into someones shoes
• dippers can be discretely concealed in an enemy's trouser pockets
• dippers pelted from above can do some real damage to unwelcome passers by
• dippers in conjunction with a sling shot are very useful
• forget the dippers, just attack the person antagonising you with the fork!!! they'll soon learn!

Any and all ideas for alternative dipper uses are welcomed and encouraged.

Kisses,

Flossie. xxx

The Golden Mole

The Magical Powers of the Golden Mole Include:

* listening to tiny noises with it's tiny ears

* swimming through sand in the dessert

* creating world peace via getting warring friends talking again

* radiating joy

* burrowing for love

* knowing all things about the universe and being generally infinitely wise

* digging fabulous and intricate holes

* maintaining silky soft fur without the aid of any Frederic Fekkai conditioning products

* eliciting cuddles

Sloth Baby

I'm disillusioned, disappointed and generally not impressed with life today. I am Slothless. MK PROMISED me a Sloth Baby some time ago. He keeps telling me it's on it's way but I'm yet to have any evidence of the Slothie's existence. I'm starting to think it's another of his elaborate LIES! I'm currently not speaking to MK (other than to get my Sloth Baby) seeing as he decided to disappear off the face of the earth for three days mid way through a conversation. Most people would feel bad about this but noooooooo, MK has decided it's more appropriate to be mean to me!!!! Can you believe it!? OMG! It's beyond believable! MK, STOP CALLING ME A MOANER!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ooops, I've digressed. I'm sorry. Back to the matter at hand. I'm Slothless. I have been such a good girl. I've been ever so sparkling and witty and chatty and entertaining. I've fulfilled all the challenges and tasks I've been assigned. I've even gone without carbs, sugar, caffeine and alcohol for the last week. I was a little manic for the first couple days but after that I was practically sublime to be around. And yet, do I have my PROMISED Sloth baby? NO! It's indecent! Ahhh, my little Sloth Baby. Well, technically it will be Our little Sloth Baby as I've agreed to joint custody. One can't be selfish when it comes to a Sloth Baby and must let others love him also. We've even named our little Slothie. Clearly I can't publicly divulge that kind of information though. It would be like one of the regular breeders announcing the name of their unborn child. But the thought of the little Slothie makes me want to break out in song. "All you need is Slothie, la di da di da, All you need is Slothie, la di da di da! etc, etc, etc.

MK: WHERE IS MY PROMISED SLOTHIE????????

What is life without a Slothie? Not much if you ask me!!!!

Love and kisses,

Flossie xxx